There are no magic words to console those who grieve.
"The biggest problem: there really are no words," said Maureen Ceidro, director of pastoral care at Jeannette District Memorial Hospital. "It's really about being there for people...When something huge happens, there are no words."
Ceidro is a member of the CALM team that is offering grief counseling sessions for Hempfield Area High School students trying to deal with the death of classmate Adam Bishop, an 18-year-old senior who was murdered April 19.
Adam Bishop's 14-year-old brother, Ian, and his friend Robert Laskowski, both freshmen at Hempfield Area, were charged in the murder and are lodged in the Westmoreland County Prison awaiting preliminary hearings.
CALM, a Critical Action Life Management team, specializes in dealing with traumatic events. Members have been meeting with Hempfield Area teens one evening a week to augment services provided by school counselors.
"It's an opportunity for them to talk about how they're feeling about things," Ceidro said. "Getting kids to express themselves is really important."
Ceidro said her job in a group session isn't to give advice, but to listen. Confidentiality is strictly respected.
"What I try to do is provide the space where feelings can be let loose and honored," she said. "Teen-agers in grief in general react in ways that are attuned with their personalities...Some are open - some keep it inside. What kids need is a place to be themselves."
Hundreds of students attended the visitation and funeral for Adam Bishop, where members of the CALM team made their services available.
"It's a really, really tragic and difficult time," Ceidro said. "It leaves us all wondering. Everyone's left with the ‘why’ question."
She said people in general do not know how to deal with catastrophic situations.
"They are not at all trained in how to tolerate sadness and loss," Ceidro said. "It's hard for people to hear other people's pain."
She said grief may be a mixture of many conflicting feelings, and occasions such as the upcoming graduation at Hempfield Area could be difficult for students.
"Grief gets very complicated. You mourn a loss - but then you have an event like graduation, that is supposed to be joyous - and it's complicated," Ceidro said. "Having adults to just listen and be there to acknowledge that hurting is part of the process of grieving."
She said parents should be supportive of their children and watch for signs they may be having difficulty coping. Examples of warning signs could be a drop in grades or anti-social behavior. She advised parents to contact school counselors if they have concerns.
"It's very hard to watch your child struggle with something so huge," Ceidro said.
In addition, she said teens tend to seek help from one another in such situations. "Kids are more aware these days. Sometimes they know when their peers are struggling."
Grief in most cases can be like a roller-coaster, she said, with aspects of shock, numbness, denial, guilt or anger.
"As time goes by...it's less of a roller-coaster and more even. The intensity lessens," Ceidro said. "The best we can hope for is to come to a resolve with the reality."
The CALM team has been in place for about a year. It offers debriefing and defusing for first responders such as paramedics and firefighters who are dealing with traumatic situations. The team also works with communities or businesses where a tragedy has occurred.
The Rev. Daniel Defassio, pastor of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of the Holy Trinity in Jeannette, is also a member of the CALM team. The Bishop family belongs to the Jeannette church, where funeral services were held for Adam.
Defassio spoke about grief and counseling in general terms, but said he could not talk specifically about the Bishops.
"We care for the needs of all people," he said. "There is a good grief. It doesn't allow us to just sit still. It causes us to think, to reassess, to act and to cry. It's important for people to grieve; that's how we remember.
"Grief becomes a process we work our way through. We are a people who grieve with hope."
Defassio said faith in God and coming together as a community can sustain people who have suffered a loss.
"For any parish, we celebrate the good times and we as a family endure - even in the midst of suffering."
Like Ceidro, he says there are no quick answers for people who are grieving. "The congregation brings the family of God - loving and caring. There's no magic wand. We all experience grief, but making the transition through grief is not done alone. That hope comes in community."
Defassio said help is always available in any traumatic situation, whether through group sessions or individual counseling. He said it is important for people, especially youngsters, to remember that they are not alone.
"Allow yourself to be cared for as well as care, to love and well as be loved," he advised.
Diana Stricker can be reached at dstricker@tribweb.com or (724) 850-1218.
Family and friends crowded into a Jeannette church Friday to remember 18-year-old Adam Bishop to the strains of music he had selected to play at services at the same church a week before.
The accomplished pianist never played those hymns. He was bludgeoned to death with a claw hammer at his Hempfield Township home after school on April 19.
His brother, Ian Bishop, 14, planned the attack and carried it out, police allege.
Adam was mourned last evening during the service at the Evangelical Lutheran Church of the Holy Trinity.
"The promise of the morrow is gone. It is as gone as music played. My soul is bowed with what could of been — what should have been," said the Rev. Daniel R. Defassio.
"But hear this, know this — remember. Behind Adam and Ian is another figure, another king. That royal figure is God. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, as Adam knew — as Adam played," the minister said.
After the homily, the parents of the teens, Jeffrey and Karen Bishop, stood huddled together in an embrace. Karen Bishop clutched a small, white leather bible and a small photo of Adam.
Ian, who has been charged as an adult with first-degree murder, is being held without bail in isolation in the Westmoreland County Prison.
His name was mentioned throughout the service. He had received communion from Defassio in prison earlier this week, the minister said.
Ian Bishop and a friend, Robert M. Laskowski, 15, are both charged in the brutal attack. Both are freshmen at Hempfield Area High School, where Adam was a senior. Ian Bishop and Laskowski await May 21 preliminary hearings before Youngwood District Justice James Falcon.
Police said Ian Bishop hit his brother in the head with a claw hammer at their Bovard home after school on April 19, and that Laskowski participated in the attack.
Investigators said they have evidence that Ian Bishop also intended to kill his parents.
Despite the fact they were allegedly targeted by Ian, his parents have hired experienced New Kensington defense attorney Tom Ceraso to defend their son.
"They are totally supportive of the boy," said Ceraso.
While the family attended yesterday's service and opened it to the media, they asked not to be approached for comment.
A family friend said the Bishops feel they have no choice but to help Ian.
"They have to. They just don't turn their back on the boy, even with all that is going on," said Jack E. Terrill.
Ceraso said it's too soon to say whether he will attempt to have Ian Bishop certified as a juvenile, which would effectively cap the penalty he faces to seven years. Juveniles adjudicated delinquent can be held only until the age of 21.
In a related matter, state police at Greensburg said yesterday they believe a Hempfield student accused of compiling a "kill list" was acting alone.
Matthew Conrad, 16, a friend of the Bishops, had written a list of four intended victims on school materials. He has been charged as a juvenile with terroristic threats.
Outside the church last evening, friends steadied one another as they left. A few stopped to tell stories of their memories to reporters gathered outside.
"If you were upset, he always cared. He was the nicest guy. If you were on the bus crying, he wanted to know why," said Jennifer Perez, a former classmate of Adam at Hempfield Area High School.
Matthew Junker can be reached at mjunker@tribweb.com or (724) 425-2338.
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/search/s_68382.html
Classmates Struggle With Grief Over Slaying
Joe Roscart
embraces Nicole Johnston and Mary Wargo
(S.C.
Spangler/Tribune-Review)
By Paul
Peirce
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Friday, April 26,
2002
Like many Hempfield Area High School students, junior Julia Whitten lamented Thursday that she feels she is living a nightmare that never ends.
"It's terrible ... I wake up each morning and I still can't believe it happened. Nobody can," Whitten said.
"These things just are not supposed to happen around here," she said.
Whitten had just left Holy Trinity Church in Jeannette, where she and several high school friends had paid their respects to the family of Adam Bishop, a high school senior who was bludgeoned to death with a claw hammer a week ago today in his family's home in Bovard.
State police allege that Bishop, 18, who had earned a scholarship to study music at Capital University in Columbus, Ohio, was killed by his only brother, Ian, 14, and a friend of Ian, Robert Matthew Laskowski, 15, of the Wendover section of the township. Both Ian Bishop and Laskowski have been charged as adults with first-degree murder and related charges.
Whitten and another junior, Jenny Dubich, left the church with tear-stained cheeks. They were among hundreds of family members, friends, classmates, teachers, neighbors and school administrators who attended the three-hour visitation at the church to express their grief and comfort the family.
"Everyone is taking it hard. It's difficult," Dubich said.
The media honored the family's request to stay across the street from the church and not impede the path of mourners entering and leaving the church.
Most mourners approached by reporters declined interviews. But others did talk, saying they wanted to pay tribute to the memory of their friend, Adam.
"Adam was so talented on the piano <#201> you couldn't believe it unless you heard him play. He was such a wonderful friend," Dubich said.
"You'd see him in the hall and he'd always have this cocky grin on his face," she said.
Whitten added that Adam had few enemies.
"I think he was friends with everyone," she said.
Several others, who declined to give their names, said the death is difficult to understand because the brothers appeared to love one another, and never were known to be violent toward one another.
Some mourners left the church wearing homemade badges in remembrance of Adam's only sibling, Ian, who remains in the county prison without bail.
The badges state: "Our God is merciful. Please pray for Ian. We love him."
The badges, held in a basket inside the church, were offered to all visitors.
The grief counseling CALM Team from Jeannette District Memorial Hospital and paramedics were at the church to assist anyone in need. CALM will sponsor a four-week youth support group for friends of Adam beginning at 7 p.m. May 2 at the church.
Anyone planning to attend the sessions should contact Maureen Ceidro at 724-527-9656.
The group also will hold an adult program to enable people to deal with youth grief response at 7 p.m. Monday in the church.
The funeral service will be held at 6 p.m. tonight in the church at Gaskill Avenue and 2nd Street in Jeannette. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that memorial contributions in Adam Bishop's name be made to Holy Trinity Church in care of a scholarship to be established in his memory.
Paul Peirce can be reached at ppeirce@tribweb.com or (724) 837-5374.
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