Rachele Adair and Sandy Cruz see two halves to marriage: the emotional side, which cements a bond of love; and the contractual side, which legalizes a financial commitment.

Marriage gives straight couples both of these in one action.

But Adair, 32, and Cruz, 40, have jumped through a lot of hoops to make their partnership as close to a marriage as possible.

The Bakersfield couple were friends for about 10 years before they fell in love. But love has no legal bearing.

As soon as they moved in together, they secured durable powers of attorney so they could make legal decisions for each other if one becomes incapacitated. They also obtained a legal document giving Cruz permission to make medical
decisions for Adair's toddler son, Conor, who was fathered by a sperm donor and born to Adair before she dated Cruz.

But their love and documents did not make them a family in some people's eyes. They were reminded of this one day when Conor was severely ill. At the hospital, the nurse argued that Cruz could not be listed as next of kin because she was not a blood relative.

The next time Conor needed to go to the hospital, Cruz went armed with the legal document. Conor was to have a swollen lymph node removed and Cruz, who quit her job at the Alliance Against Family Violence to be a stay-at-home mom, was ready to sign the intake forms.

"Who are you?" the admitting nurse said.

"I'm his mom," Cruz said.

"No you're not," the nurse said. "These are not adoption papers."

"While he's sitting right there, watching, the nurse said, 'I have the legal right to remove you from the hospital.' She said, 'You're not the birth mother. You cannot sign for him,'" Cruz said.

Adair, a surgeon's assistant, was working in the same hospital so, finally, the nurse pulled her out of surgery to sign the form.

Realizing they needed to further legalize their relationship, Adair and Cruz decided to join the state registry for domestic partners, gaining about 20 rights that come with being married -- including the right to use the step-parent adoption process for Cruz to adopt Conor.

To further strengthen their bond, they also planned a commitment ceremony, which they wanted to resemble a real wedding.

On Nov. 21, 2002, they walked down the aisle of Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Kern County -- Adair in a white dress and Cruz in a black suit -- and said "I do" before their friends and family. Their friend, an ordained minister and also a lesbian, performed the ceremony.

"It was important to both of us to have it done in a church," Cruz said. "Culturally, in my family, you get married in a church."

The couple waited until Adair gave birth to their second son, Sean, nine months ago, for Cruz to adopt both of them.

Including the adoption fees, they've spent about $5,000 on what would otherwise have been free if they had a marriage license.

Additionally, they pay $650 a month for Cruz to have health insurance since the hospital where Adair works does not offer domestic partner benefits.

Even with a new law taking effect Jan. 1 forcing insurance companies to include domestic partner benefits, the hospital won't have to offer the benefits because it is self-insured.

But the couple vows to continue doing whatever is necessary "to make sure our relationship is as legal as we can get it," Adair said.