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"And we said, 'No, we're getting married to each other,'" Kaminsky recalls.
Chances are, if Kaminsky and MacDonald, one of four gay couples who appeared in the TV documentary series "Gay Weddings" on the Bravo channel, chose to tie the knot in Provincetown that confusion might have been eliminated. Long a haven for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender vacationers and residents, the Provincetown Business Guild (PBG) wants to spread the word that the picturesque town at the tip of Cape Cod is also the ideal spot for a romantic commitment ceremony.
"We think Provincetown is a special place for a lot of people and probably a good place for them to start their committed life," says Rob Tosner, PBG executive director.
PBG is hosting its first "Celebrate Commitment Weekend" April 25-27, an opportunity for couples to focus on planning for their own big event. The weekend includes a planning fair where local vendors such as florists, caterers, guesthouse owners and retail merchants will provide information on their services; discussion groups on event planning and financial issues for couples in committed relationships; and a chance to play the "Nearly Wed" game to see how well you know your betrothed. Kaminsky and MacDonald will take audience questions after a screening of "Gay Weddings," the program that chronicled their wedding planning and ceremony, at the New Art Screen 3 Theater at Whaler's Wharf April 26.
Provincetown offers a number of scenic locations that are frequently used as backdrops for commitment ceremonies. Among the sites couples have chosen, says Tosner, are the dunes on the edge of town, the Provincetown Monument and the MacMillan Pier.
Of course, the beach is also a popular location for commitment ceremonies in Provincetown. According to Dave Schermacher, co-owner of Ptown Parties, a local catering and event planning company, locations are chosen "based on what has meaning for each couple, whether it was a spot where they first fell in love with Provincetown or fell in love with each other ... I think for each person it's different, but about 75 percent of the people want to be on the water."
Schermacher and his partner Simon Homes - who is also his business partner - were joined in a Provincetown ceremony last Thanksgiving at the home of a friend. They had planned to have a setting sun in the background, but it didn't quite work out that way: "It was snowing that night," says Schermacher.
Since starting the business last summer, Ptown Parties has catered four local commitment ceremonies. This year, of the ten events the company has booked, roughly three-quarters of them are same-sex commitment ceremonies. So what are couples looking for in a Provincetown commitment ceremony? The ceremonies often look very different than "city weddings," Schermacher explains. "City weddings are very lavish and over-the-top, but here we've found that more [ceremonies] are soulful or spiritual. People are looking more for how to do that."
"What's unique about a gay wedding is there are no rules," said Sian Robertson, an organizer of Celebrate Commitment Weekend's planning fair. "You don't have to have your dad walk you down the aisle, but you can if you want to. You don't have to exchange rings, but you can if you want to."
Robertson, the owner of Trader's Village, a Provincetown card and gift shop, and her partner were joined in a commitment ceremony eight years ago in San Francisco. She characterized their celebration as very traditional, but pointed out that atop their three-tiered cake there were two brides.
The lack of established tradition for gay weddings allows couples a certain freedom in their planning, said Robertson. After all, "nobody's forcing a gay couple to get married," she stated. "You've got to really, really want to do it because there is no tradition."
Kaminsky and MacDonald, who now live in New York, took advantage of that fact in planning their ceremony. Kaminsky is Jewish, and the couple incorporated Jewish traditions, such as signing a Ketubah, or Jewish marriage contract, into the service. They also recited traditional Jewish prayers and broke a glass at the ceremony's conclusion. But they also personalized their wedding service in non-traditional ways: Though MacDonald is a Presbyterian, a friend who is a Lutheran minister officiated at the ceremony; the couple wrote their own vows; their dog was the ring bearer.
Kaminsky concedes that the couple's wedding could be described as lavish, but their reason for doing it is the same as for those who would travel to Provincetown for a simple ceremony in the sand. "We had a pretty large wedding. We had 250 people. It was pretty impressive. But I hope anyone that watched the documentary walked away from it with more than that. We're very much in love," he says, laughing. "We were always nervous when we were going to be included [in "Gay Weddings"] that we were going to come across in an odd way. We don't want people to focus on the finances of it but on our relationship, which I think if you see the documentary you do see that."
Having lived through the trials and tribulations of planning his own gay wedding, Kaminsky has some advice for gay couples thinking about doing the same. "The one thing I'll say is that it was so much more meaningful than I could have ever imagined. First, just for each other, to be able to stand in front of your friends and family and make those kind of promises just added a really intense weight to our relationship," he says. "And then you know there's just so many great things that happened after. People see us differently because we got married. Our friends respect our relationship because they know we got married. Our straight friends especially."
For more information or to register for "Celebrate Commitment Weekend" visit www.ptown.org or call the Provincetown Business Guild at (508) 487-2313.
Laura Kiritsy is the Associate Editor at Bay Windows. Her e-mail address is lkiritsy@baywindows.com.
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