Dear NFL Player:

Feel free to join the rest of us in the 21st Century. It really isn't such a bad place to be, once you get used to it.

This is not addressed to all players, but to what I suspect is the majority. I mean players who are blatantly anti-gay, generically homophobic or -- for whatever reason -- simply fear an openly gay player might be an earthquake too seismic for football to handle.

Most of us likely had never heard of Esera Tuaolo, a B-level defensive lineman for nine seasons with five teams until he quit in 1999. But chances are you have heard of him now, ever since he said last week he's gay.

This alone shouts of the closed, macho clique football continues to be -- that such a revelation, in 2002, even when made by an obscure retired player, still agitates such controversy.

Tuaolo has impacted the NFL more by saying, ''I'm gay,'' than he did while playing and living his public lie. And the impact is positive because it shines a light on the sport's most deep-seated prejudice.

I don't intend an indictment too broad. The NFL has plenty of open-minded players, such as the Dolphins' Sam Madison, who, when asked how he would regard an active teammate who announced he was gay, said: ``I would have the same respect and feelings as before, as long as he goes out and performs. He's not hurting anybody.''

This attitude suggests mental health, a strong sense of self. But I suspect more players agree with the Giants' Jeremy Shockey, the ex-University of Miami Hurricane who embarrassed himself earlier this season by telling Howard Stern's national radio audience he ''wouldn't stand'' for a gay teammate.

Shockey seemed dumbfounded when an attitude that would elicit nods of support in his locker room caused an apology-forcing backlash when said aloud.

Former player Sterling Sharpe might agree with Shockey. Sharpe, who played with Tuaolo, said if Tuaolo had come out while active, ''He would have been hated for it.'' Sharpe even implied a gay player might be intentionally injured, even by teammates.

The question is, why?

There might be around 50 closeted gay players in the NFL today, maybe one or two per team, if estimates of the percentage of gays in society are mirrored in football. Even surmising the percent might be much lower, we must assume there are at least several active gay players.

Tuaolo proved you can be gay and an NFL player at the same time, just as trailblazing Dave Kopay did three decades earlier.

''You try picking up a blitz by Dick Butkus,'' as Kopay told me.

Today, at 60, Kopay runs an upscale flooring business in Hollywood, Calif. Professionally, he caters to stars. Personally, he caters to sportswriters who seek him out on occasions when gays-in-sports make headlines.

Kopay ran the football for five NFL teams from 1964-72, then came out of the proverbial closet in '75, chronicling his life in a watershed book that inspired Tuaolo's decision.

Almost 30 years later, Kopay remains the go-to guy -- ''The guru,'' he says with amused chagrin -- whenever homosexuality and athletics intersect.

Ask Kopay if the NFL is ready for an openly gay player, and he says, ''It's probably the only place in society that may not be.'' That's why Tuaolo revealing himself to HBO'S Real Sports and in the current ESPN The Magazine is newsworthy at all.

And the question is, why?

Can it be the shower thing? Something that shallow? That stupid? As Kopay told ESPN the Mag, speaking of Shockey, ``Has it crossed his mind that maybe we don't even want to look at [him]?''

Acquaintances of mine who are gay say the dumbest stereotype is that gay men are always on the prowl. The idea that a gay player would treat his own locker room like a singles bar or have wandering eyes in the shower, is adolescently ludicrous.

If anything, you can bet the first active, openly gay player would be so self-conscious about ''looking,'' he'd go out of his way not to. Picture a player showering while casually inspecting the ceiling. And wearing blinders.

In the locker room, female sportswriters go through a similar thing, going further than their male counterparts must to avoid even the faintest hint of being there for anything other than professional reasons.

An ESPN poll found 78 percent of fans said it would make no difference to them if their favorite player announced he was gay -- and yet a segregationist attitude exists among many players.

The NFL establishment needs to start breaking down walls if its players are to grow more accepting. The annual rookie symposium should include tolerance as an issue. Commissioner Paul Tagliabue should state for the record his league does not discriminate. How about a general manager saying he'd draft a gay player if qualified? How about coaches not treating the subject as taboo? How about more players with Madison's attitude?

''Maybe some kid, athlete or not, will read about me and learn he or she isn't alone,'' Tuaolo said. ``Maybe some fan will read about me and learn something new -- that gay people come from all walks of life, all kinds of jobs. Some of them even play sports at the highest level.''

Gay athletes are still waiting for their Jackie Robinson to step forward.

''The league just isn't ready for it,'' Tuaolo admits.

Ready or not, it will happen. And when it does, it will open no floodgate. The NFL will go on, thriving.

And the man who dares to be the first openly gay active team player?

Oh, he'll get hate mail, sure.

More than that, though, I'd bet he will get enormous respect, beginning in his own locker room.

gcote@herald.com